I want to start with the premise that we are subjected to an abusive system of living and I, personally, have never experienced a system free from that abuse. I’m not even sure I could conceive of a system without abuse. Abuse is what happens when people seek to gain power over others when they think they have no other options.

I think about the Evangelical “Umbrella of Protection”: God abuses man, man abuses woman, woman abuses children, children abuse animals — one day those children will grow to be men and women under an abusive God and they will take the places of their parents, continuing on the generational pattern of abuse.

Byrd, what does this have to do with fandom? You’re right to ask that, reader. I’m getting to that.

I bring this up because it’s an important piece to keep in the back of your mind. We are all being abused to some degree or another. It’s even natural, given that state of affairs, to want to seek out places where one could have control and power over someone else. Particularly if you’re at any intersections of marginality.

This isn’t to say that marginalized people with complex identities are inherently abusive. In a system that is abusive, we are all complicit to some degree or another in perpetuating abuse against someone else somewhere. Even if you don’t see it, it’s happening. In fact, it’s better for the system if you don’t know it’s happening, then it allows the system to continue to enact its invisible abuse and you can continue to live in delusion with a sprinkle of plausible deniability.

So, with that in mind, the thesis question is: why is there so much toxicity in fandom that is perpetuated by women, specifically?

If we accept the above premise, the answer seems very simple. In a system of patriarchal abuse, women are most often abused, and fandoms are often where they are able to find some level of escape from that abuse. Women are often the backbones of any healthy fandom. They are also some of the worst abusers towards their fellow fans.

We may all be here to enjoy our favorites together, but the Abuse System demands a tribute.

I’ve been in fandoms for a long time.

All of that time has been on the internet. I can’t speak for the pre-internet fandom days but it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that there were women who made their fandoms their whole identities. Who rose to some level of prominence within their fandoms and then proceeded to do terrible things with that power. It’s happened so many times online that I’ve lost count of the dramas I’ve witnessed. Of the personalities crumbled to dust when the curtains pull back to reveal the HBIC was really just another e-begging clout chaser.

Engaging with fandom is a vulnerability. Not in the way we traditionally think of being vulnerable as a soft downy fawn just learning to stand on two wobbly legs. In the way of unbridled love that consumes you, lifts you to new heights of fun and merriment, and then gently winds you down to bed in an elated delirium.

Fandoms ask for your joy. It asks you for your hopes, your ideas, your fantasies. It asks you for your unbridled love for a creation and that makes you vulnerable to its influence.

You can get lost in it. It blurs the line between the normal world and fantasy world if you let it. In that vulnerability, you can become someone else for awhile. In that vulnerability, you are the center of the universe.

Vulnerability gets weaponized. It becomes the tool in which fans abuse other fans. It acts as a Trojan horse.

Shipping wars are a great example of this vulnerability-to-abuse on display. At first, it’s terrifying to open oneself up to the judgement of the fandom community. After all, people get so attached to their favorite characters that they can forget other people ship a pairing in a different way. What if they get it wrong and get made fun of? Chased out of fandom forever for the Wrong Take.

But they share and someone likes. Then someone comments. Then someone reposts. Soon what was just an internal headcanon has made someone viral. Soon, they could become a prominent shipper if they keep the hits rolling.

They feel emboldened in their vulnerability now. Validated in having shared it. Now they get to set the tone. Even canon can’t stand up to them if they get enough fans on their side.

Having lured in thousands of people to seeing a ship their way, the HBIC commands an army of people who will die before they see their favorite pair represented any other way. They flock to her and live off of her word. The more people surround her, the harder it is to break through the armor her vulnerability has built, because other fans are her armor. They will protect her from the abuse outside so she can continue the abuse inside.

That may seem hyperbolic, but I promise you it isn’t.

I think a lot about the Final Fantasy VII House. So much so that in writing this article, I went in search of more info about Jen and what happened. I needed to know how we went from a fandom just forming to the creation of a group so toxic its gained a level of infamy within the greater Final Fantasy fandom.

It only took two people to wear the armor of vulnerability.

They attracted those who were already in bad situations by promising they understood their victims, by accepting and celebrating their victims love for FFVII. Jen and Hojo made them feel special and used rp as a cover for bad behaviour. Then they managed to make things worse. And because they wore that vulnerability and promised that only they could understand their victims, it took their victims longer than it should have to leave.

It’s a fascinating look into fandom cultures and how super nova toxic fans in aggregate can become.

Recently, the “uwu cutsie people are always some of the worst abusers” sentiment has been going around in certain fandoms I’m a part of. It’s true. It’s the fandom way of Mormon influencer “nice” signaling. I’m serious. Take a look at any “uwu smol bean” account and compare it with the highly controlled perfect images out of “MomTok” or similar Mormon groups. You’ll see similar patterns of posting.

That said, I would also like to present that the person constantly having a crashout on main or wearing their activism like a personality is doing the same thing. It isn’t a sin to curate your persona online. It is a sin, however, to conflate your vulnerable persona with yourself and use the power it creates to attack other people when things don’t go your way.

But does this answer the “why” of how this happens?

I could point to internalized misogyny. Or internalized racism. Or internalized anything, for that matter. Poor mental health and poor accountability have been pointed to. The Missing Stair and Five Geek Social Fallacies also try to address this.

And I think that’s one piece of the puzzle, but all of those things also point to something bigger:

The abuse is inherent in the system and it takes a huge amount of conscious choice to not re-enact those systems of abuse onto others, even when you’re aware they’re an influence.

Vulnerability, when inflated and then challenged, does not like to be vulnerable again. It has become power. It can not go back to being weakness. And so, it has to lash out. It has to make sure it is never really vulnerable again.

That’s really it.

Women, especially, are socialized to use vulnerability to their advantage. That’s the only reason they’re often so good at using it. The thing is, women don’t consciously recognize the power vulnerability really gives them, or even how it works at granting them power. I think this is largely because most women are taught to be divorced from their desire for power, so when they finally have it, they can’t recognize it.

The ones who do know what they’re doing, are aware of the power it gives them, and still enact abuse towards others are the ones to watch out for. Sadly, though, you’ll never know they’re that way until you get in close enough to watch the vulnerability armor drop. By that point, it’s too late.

By that point, you’ve likely fallen for the vulnerability trap she set up. Even if you try to expose her, it will take you and multiple more fans just like you to gain traction. She has amassed too many followers now. There will always be someone willing to take her side and you can’t win over everyone.

There will always be someone willing to defend her. She will have people make sockpuppet accounts to keep tabs on you, if she doesn’t do it herself. She will record you for any slip-ups. She will not hesitate to put you on blast or start a petty flame war if she thinks she can crush you for good.

You’ve seen through her vulnerability armor and now you must pay for that.

There is no real remedy for this, largely because there is no world where abuse doesn’t exist in the system. At least not here. Not on this Earth.

The best you can do is stay on guard. Believe victims when they speak up, but trust yourself when something feels off. Collect as much information as you can whenever another drama breaks out in your fandom. Watch for patterns.

It won’t protect you 100%. Nothing can. You’ll get trapped again and again. You’ll update your priors over and over.

Curate your own persona but never let it become you. Don’t let it go to your head. It’s so easy to do in fandom because those spaces often let us feel like ourselves for the first time. It is a false self. It is a Faerie self. It is not you. Do not drink the water or eat the food. Remember that the enchantment must end.

It’s ok to let fandom change you, just make sure you are the one directing that change. And for the love of everything, please, try not to repeat the patterns of abuse that keep us all locked in the Abuse System.